Dealing with super critical spouse

Sounds like he ideally needs to part ways as it sounds toxic on her side x

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I would be looking at the reasons her criticism creates this response in him, and then dealing with that? It sounds like she is triggering some early trauma , probably a critical parent? Perhaps if you did some healing work around that he could cope better in the here and now? (and then maybe take some decisions on how to move forward with this relationship)

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You could also try a script like "SWISH' if you've heard of that? Seeing himself in the 'moment of anxiety', shrinking it down to the size of stamp and turning it black and white then replacing it with his 'moment of achievement' where he sees himself having successfully dealt with the situation in hand. And keep repeating, going to a calm neutral place between rehearsals. If he can visualise he can do it and this rehearsal helps to create new neural pathways in the brain. Ketamine dependence is a hard one to crack though ....

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I got him from 5-8 (out of 10) ketamine cravings to ZERO in one session... When he became overwhelmed... Checking in with me each day and it's staying at Zero.

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I will incorporate a swish thanks. I'm a master NLP practitioner so know how to do that. Thankyou.

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Telling him to part ways is not a professional response. He loves her deeply. She will change by him changing his (what I call the 5Rs) react, respond, resist, reject, retaliate. But thankyou.

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Jhon how did you reduce his ketamine craving so much in 1 session? is there a script you could share?

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He has to hold is boundaries and although his wife initially won't respect them he still must keep them in place, introducing them slowly bit by bit. His response to the wife is such that he is accepting what she says - he doesn't have to and his response of emotional reaction is a form of acceptance. Grey walling ie. no response or adapting a protective bubble is a great technique which blocks the negative verbal criticisms. The ultimate question is, is this a situation of co-dependency however unpleasant? Clearly he can't sustain this situation and is now looking for help. What went on in his childhood and is situation the 'known' for him?

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Veronica I will share when I work out how

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It sounds to me like he needs to read up on attachment styles. This womans sounds like an anxious avoidant person and he is anxious insecure, and they are naturally attracted to each other to work out their dysfunction together. It's toxic and destructive and I wouldn't be trying to help them stay together, but that's just me. And "he loves her" is part of the dysfunction that he needs to heal, not how to cope with staying with her..

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